the three month mark

i cannot believe that it is already the 1st of December.
we arrived 3 months ago today....how surreal is that. even more mind boggling is how much and yet how little has happened/changed over the past 12weeks. the horizon's changed, the housemates have changed, our relationships with ourselves have changed. and yet somethings have, or could, not.
gerbrand and oystein will not be returning to cambodia after christmas. they've both found it too emotionally draining living here, at this age, at this time, with these people. i wish them all the best and yet somehow, in some way, i can't help feel both frustration and regret. i think it is fair to say that neither let us help them, and that when it really comes to it, hardly helped themselves. i guess thats the magic of this place, those that complete their stay, who stay the full course, they manage to seek and create the help they need to see it through, while those who can't may not have been able to. i wrote about failure and the instinctive lessons that can so meaningfully educate ourselves about who we are and why we do what it is we do. and i still stick to it. but i'd like to reiterate if not add a thought or two. to fail is to learn, provided we give ourselves the time we need to participate in that lesson, no matter the discomfort. without that time, the lesson is as lost as a pop quiz on a friday afternoon 10 mins before the bell. we need to accept this lesson, accept our failure and accept ourselves before we can ever hope to properly move on. to run is to physically change our settings, the people and objects that surround us. yet we still remain and that is the one thing, the one person that you can never run from.
it will always always be that self, YOURself, that has the last laugh. no matter what corner you call home.