[111 years of inner conflict and confusion]

today was tough.

not tough in any physically demanding sort of way. just exhausting in the mental, emotional, pyschological sense. the sky was heavy, the kids were distracted, and our heads were a nasty combination of both. and then to multiply it all by 6 and stick us under one roof, with personal doubts, frustrations, illness, and conflicts flaring like potshots over a no-mans land, well, it makes you want to cry, scream, run, laugh, or just sleep.

i held two people today, both broken down to tears and i know its just a matter of time for the third. but what i dont understand is why, of everyone here, i seem to be the one who brings out this vulnerability. at least it seems to be that i've become the one person that people finally break down around as soon as they find themselves one on one with me. and its not like i'm prying. i simple 'hows it going', even a smile and they just seem to crack.

ah...who would have thought i'd feel so emotionally isolated in such a full house.

there just doesnt seem to be enough room left for my own frustrations or doubts or fears. everyones filled it with their own.

i'm looking forward to getting to the coast this weekend. i am in serious need of the ocean.

i think i understand now why bruce took up running marathons.