Monday, October 30, 2006

:D !

[my lovely jen is back :) ]

Saturday, October 28, 2006

p.s.

man.

sitting on the roof, trying to ignore the drunk khmer guys in the half-built building across the street making stupid kiss-face noises at anything moving on two legs, attempting to write postcards and letters to people back home.


actually thats a lie. i havent even picked up a pen. because each time i do i decide i will start with the most meaningful letters first, the ones that wont end up on the fridge or under the front seat of the car. but its always those letters that i just cant write.


i said this to someone a few weeks ago but i think i'll say it to everyone. its not that i'm not writing you. its just that each time i do i come to conclusions i have to go back and make sense of.

so if you never receive a single letter from me, its not because i'm not writing.

i am writing you.
just not the sort of thing that should wear a stamp.

IF YA CANT TAKE DA HEAT............find friends with aircon...

according to the thermometer, it is currently 34 degrees outside.

that means its closer to 38 inside. oh, and did i mention the sun went down 2.5 hrs ago?

i actually dont feel that hot. i dont really even notice it much anymore actually. i think i can thank running mid-day in singapore for a year for that.

my skin on the other hand is protesting loudly. since this morning, it has decided to break itself into a heat rash that is currently covering my ENTIRE BODY. its incredibly attractive and comfortable.

maybe i should have gone to that halloween party tonight.

[so just in case you were worried things were getting too glamourous....haha]

other updates:
jen is in angkor wat with her parents this weekend [and, get this, NEARLY FORGOT HER CAMERA when she left this morning....gasp!shock!horror!.....lol.]

tomorrow is a fundraiser, pumpkin-carving bash for a group of street kids our friends work with....50 kids with knives, should be interesting, haha....nah, its going to be a fun afternoon, its raising funds for a street dancing organization that just recently got up and running, providing street kids with a positive creative outlet....its been going awesomely, so i cant wait to see these kids do their thing,

tuesday is the 'adult' halloween fundraiser ball, that one raising funds for a couple of other projects [haha sry, i'm losing track].

the 31st is also King Sihanouk's Birthday so phnom penh is about to turn into one crazy town as it is also the start of the water festival. apparently what looks to be the entire country crowds into the streets of phnom penh to watch the dragon boat races and all traffic stops for the 4 days or so that is lasts. all i know is that all of our khmer friends are excited and all our barahng [foreign] friends are gettin the heck out of dawson....its going to be an interesting week haha.

funny though, I keep forgetting this is the 'KINGDOM' of cambodia....

but i must STOP WASTING TIME.

miss you all muchly. other than this, we're all safe and sound....actually got passed by three different monks while riding a motodop today so if thats any indication of us taking care, i dont know what is.

would love to hear from you, feel free to leave messages/comments/curses/blessings.

love. el.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Friday, October 20, 2006

our daily commute



this is the road outside the centre jen, gerbrand and ulrika teach at everyday. on tuesday it was completely flooded [hence the venice reference in the last post]. but this is what it looks like most days. i was tempted to post the pics as-is [without fiddling with the saturation, etc] but i didnt feel they gave a good enough reflection of what these streets are truly like without the filter of a lense. [though not that these do much better].

Thursday, October 19, 2006

slightly less profound [but equally catchy...]

alright, so, here are the silly lyrics of the song that WILL NOT LEAVE jen and I's head resulting in random outbursts of song at restaurants, on the backs of motos, and in the middle of class. i'm just postin it so you can FEEL OUR PAIN ...ha.

THE FEELING
"Kettle's On"
I turn on the tap and run some water
Flick a little switch on the wall
I'm hoping you remember what I taught ya
Hoping you remember me at all
I'm strong but I feel like a mouse when you're gone
I'm weak but I'll take on the world when you're here
With me, with me

Can't you see you're in the wrong place
Will you please face it and come home
When I think about you're sweet face
I can't wait for you to come home
I can see you got a real taste but that champaigne but its all gone
Come home, the kettles on

I've got a little something on my mind
To keep it to myself isn't really very kind
Pouring out my heart isn't usually my style
But you gave me an inch so I'm gonna take a mile
You see
I'm strong but I feel like a mouse when you're gone
I'm weak but I'll take on the world when you're here
With me, with me
Can't you see you're in the wrong place
Will you please face it and come home
When I think about you're sweet face I can't wait for you to come home
I can see you got a real taste but that champaigne but its all gone
So come home, the kettles on

...and thats more than enough. gah!

in other news: no longer necessary to take a boat to work [i will post pictures tomorrow...hoooly man]. it was like venice....but with red mud....and chickens....and no body who speaks italian.....never mind.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

[better than a thousand: from chapter 8 in the dhammapada]

'better than a thousand useless words is one single word that gives peace.
better than a thousand useless verses is one single verse that gives peace.
better than a hundred useless poems is one single poem that gives peace.

better than a hundred years lived in ignorance, without contemplation, is one single day of life lived in wisdom and in deep contemplation.

better than a hundred years lived in idleness and in weakness is one single day of life lived with courage and powerful striving.

if a man should conquer in battle a thousand and a thousand more, and another man should conquer himself, his would be the greater victory, because the greatest of victories is the victory over oneself'

Saturday, October 14, 2006

AHHHHHHHHHH

SAT 2s in the a.m.

AHH. ok. i'm done.


lets here it for my lack of anything resembling organisation. man.


did 2xs better on the world history practice SAT that i did for a laugh than i did on the french one i trudged through as its one i've actually signed up for ......[this does not bode well].

[and yes mom, dont worry, i am remembering to breathe... buuut that seems about all i CAN remember, ha.]


in other news: our coordinator arrived tonight, we're having a US-CANADA thanksgiving dinner on sunday and phnom penh is holding a CRITICAL MASS sunday arvo...[OH YA].

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

quit the tears.

this week has made me realise some things. some uncomfortable, unromantic, but incredibly real things.

it doesnt matter where you are, what you do, or how many live-aid concerts MTV may air on your country of origin. the west fascinates and pacifies itself with HBK projects and monetary blessings in the belief that they will bring happiness to whoever it trickles down to, and that in doing so, they will receive, in some abstract way, good karma, a lighter conscience, or some other pat-on-the-back still allowed by a society so drenched in guilt.

and while i fully appreciate the importance of financial investment, whatever the motive, in projects like the one in Kep or Pursat or the funds that keep the centres we're working at running, it really is only one part of the equation.

to bring happiness, to be able to find or inspire true happiness in yourself or in others, has little to do with the material. neither does it really matter what part of the world you live in. the truth is, once we figure out how to meet our basic needs, whether you're in phnom penh, victoria, russia, new york, to be truthfully happy is entirely up to you.

you cant rely on the kindness of others. you cant rely on material wealth. you cant even rely on doing the 'selfless' to appease your nagging guilt for being born too rich or too poor or too smart or too healthy. and no child or adult, no matter how horrific a slum or violent a past or broken a family they may come from, are going to derive much from your half-baked efforts.

until you can be happy with yourself, and entirely happy with what it means to be yourself, regardless of race or language or wealth or religion, until you can stop relying on others to get what you need to keep you honest and content and in the moment, you've got a hell of a chance of inspiring that in someone else.

the past couple days have exposed maybe more than is really needed right now but thats the reality of this place. and what keeps surfacing out of all the turmoil, both inner and outer, is this. you cant hide from yourself. you cant fake a smile, you cant rely on others, you cant 'lose yourself' in some foreign country, and you certainly cant cry and feel bad for someone and feel better for feeling guilty. until you learn to find humanity for yourself, how can you possibly share it. humanity is the one thing that links every single one of us on this planet and yet it seems to be the first thing to be forgotten. to be human is to be an individual, and unless that individual can learn to love themselves, then this frantic, hap-hazard quest to bring 'happiness to all' will undoubtably fail.

quit the tears. please. they're not going to help anyone. save that energy and help yourself.

child rights in denim, polite instructions, today's class, a hallway. [wednesday afternoons at CCH]





Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Monday, October 09, 2006

woodhuts, kampot pepper, chamka bei, khmer rouge, 'simon says...'





as i am kinda exhausted and have yet to plan tomorrow's lesson, i'm just going to put up the pics from this weekend.

jen and i wound up back on the south coast in Kampot province, first on the coast in a fishing village, then inland a bit in chamka bei for a development plan workshop our organisation held with a number of the villagers in that area [all ex-khmer rouge].
as soon as i finish the report i'll post all about it but at the moment all i can say is that it was surreal and exhausting and beautiful and i learnt more than i think i am aware of at this moment.

and i really need to start learning khmer. seriously.

oh, and who needs coffee when you can just walk into one classroom in a three room building built by unesco in the middle of rice paddies and cow fields to the raucous laughter of 30 ex-khmer rouge villagers playing 'simon says'. [SURREAL.]

anyway, here are a few pics i managed to salvage. my camera was being a pain the entire weekend.

[and the post before is the centre we were at all weekend.]

the others are from the drive there and the drive home [which i fondly/accurately title 'southern cambodia through the lense of a tempermental camera mid-monsoon dodging cows and people and bikes at 60miles an hour']




[but maaan. its weird to come back from something like that and have to study for SATIIs.]

the desks were stenciled 'UNESCO'...


...but we'll be the ones to fill them.



hell ya. workin for the little guy is so damn cool.

Friday, October 06, 2006

['after surviving a double-blind-date...']














i love this job.

seaside in the a.m.
knee-deep and scrubbing the hell out of a concrete cistern tomorrow afternoon.
rabbit island. fresh crab. 1/3 of a film crew, 1/4 of a dev workshop team. jade. blue. grey. brown.
friends. real ones. just three.

'hows my khmer?....'
;)

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

credits

it was rightly pointed out by jen, my wicked-awesome-roomie-sister-in-arms that i forgot to put up photo credit for a couple of the pics on here.

seeing as a few of them were a joint effort [ie one of us took it, the other played with the colours...], i leave those out... but ones of note, like the two most recent of the kids through the banister, those were taken by the j-macs herself. mind you she didnt LIKE them....but i did so they're up there.

the sunset one of our silhouettes...that was taken by our friend alana [obviously not me...i'm the second shadow from the left...] and so were a couple of the pagoda ones [though i had altered them quite a bit before i put them up].

if there are any others i've missed, i'm sorry. if i ever did randomly receive royalties for any pic that wasnt mine ...[?].....do know they'd go straight to the artist themselves.


....but in case you wondering....all the rest WERE taken by me....

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

words.

words words words. english language lacking
proverbs.
utilitarian visions, prompting laughter.
she said i had eyes like
sunflowers. the petals.

wanting to run, waiting to spin on the
dented-tin wheels that carry us so softly through these shaded streets.
ring a bell and smile.
i've been in love once. i've been hit by love, once. love without need or sense or circumstance.

songs songs songs. hum the wrong bridge and you'll be on to the next.


[oh sweet beauty in ambiguity, thou smile in font 10.]

Monday, October 02, 2006

'i love my country, i just think we should see other people'

would someone please tell me


whats

happening

to

my

country.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

"from 1970s to the early of the 1990's, this area was the hot fighting battle between Khmer Rough'

hahaha...oh man...
alright so while i did make a promise to myself to post LESS....i HAD to share that with y'all.

its sunday, the suns about to drop, i'm sitting on my floor drinking an iced espresso in a ridiculously large mug ATTEMPTING to edit a preliminary development report Bridges had done on Chamka Bei, a village we're headin out to next week to hold an open dev strategy workshop between us and the community [aka the KEP project...fast becomin my new baby...]

anyway, i'm not getting very far because i keep BURSTING out laughing. and i realise that for those who know me, i guess it isnt much of a surprise to hear i'm findin agricultural analysis HILARIOUS.... haha but the bad thing is the fact that i'm only catchin these little 'lost-in-translation- gems the 2nd or 3rd read-through...ooops.


ha. ah dear. sry.

in other news, i have eaten waaay too much tom yam soup today. ugh.

oh, and the clouds painted a highlighter-pink upside down exclamation point at sundown tonight.

and theres a massive baby shower banquet taking place on the sidewalk outside our house as i write this. the yellow satin tents went up this morning and now our front door opens into the makeshift kitchen that seems to be catering enough food to keep the 100-odd khmer sitting outside on plastic chairs at full banquet tables in their most formal dress full for at least the next 4 days. this country is awesome.

anyway, tis all. miss you. love you. please write.



4our.




[i've been reading]

HUMILITY AND COMPASSION
Can true humility and compassion exist in our words in our eyes
unless we know we too are capable of
any act?